Your Anchor

Family is awesome। Okay, my family is awesome. My 16 year old Nephew just walked into my room to use my bathroom, so he can head off to his first day at the local high school. Across the hall from me, my brother and sister-in-law, who flew to California from Minnesota with their family, sleep off another long day of keeping up with their four kids and one granddaughter. Over the weekend, my household went from three to 15, which happens every few years. Sometimes it gets up to about twenty, but my sister Kristina went to Cancun. Since neither of her daughter’s drives, they can’t come down here. Though, there is not shortage of laughter.

I cherish the summer days that my brother and his family spend with us, because while they do not happen that often, they happen। For several years, my brother Tom and his family never came to California. I don’t know why, but I assume it always came down to money. During those years, if I wanted to see him, I had to fly to Minnesota; and since all of my money went to paying for college, rather than taking leisurely trips, I went for several years without seeing my brother and his family. In fact, his two youngest children reached and passed several of their childhood years before I met either of them. Now, when Tom and his family fly out here, all of my surrounding family from southern California, Arizona, and Nevada takes a week off and joins the festivities.

For an entire week, we play card games, throw each other in the pool, update each other with stories about our life’s happenings, and eat brawts। Yesterday, Tom told me he is thinking about moving out this way, but he said right now the slow economy keeps him in northern Minnesota। Last night, after we finished the dinner my sister-in-law Mary cooked for the family, we celebrated my niece Brittany’s upcoming 15th birthday with Cake (my brother John forgot the ice cream), then five of us sat around the dining room table and shared more stories. After we finished our series of stories, we took our plates to the kitchen, I swiped a finger full of cake frosting onto my finger, wiped the rest of the frosting into the garbage, and set my plate and fork on the counter. Standing behind Tom’s wife Tammy, I reached out my cake frosted finger in front of her, and smeared it on her face. She called me a ‘dork,’ told me to sleep with one eye open, and went to clean her face. Our days of laughter, story telling, watching each other’s children grow into young men and women, and enjoying each other’s company will end.

For now, I enjoy them, because life will change. I tend not to hang around one spot for too long, so a year from now I may be in northern California or in a different state (I doubt it will be that soon). For now I enjoy the incessant noise, one or another of my nieces or nephews walking into my room and using my shower (I don’t even mind that they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle), my great niece looking wide eyed at the big people, and my sister Deb explaining the rules of Rummy 500 to me for the umpteenth time. Life may go on, but opportunities to enjoy today and the people who surround you today will end.

In all of your connections with people throughout your life, keep your family closest. I spent two years in Boston while my family enjoyed each other 3,000 miles away. And while I will always remember and be thankful for my time in Boston, the loneliness of holidays spent alone, birthdays singing ‘happy birthday to me,’ late night subway rides on the orange line hoping I didn’t get mugged, and breaking up potential bar fights between my Laker buddies and Celtic fanatics made me realize that of all of the connections I wanted to make in order to pursue my life goals, none of those connections mattered without family.

At the cost of sounding preachy, I am going to encourage you today to make your first and strongest connections with your family। All of those connections you make throughout your life are like a chain, but your family is the anchor that keeps your ship from drifting too far. You can make all of the connections in the world that will lead to wherever you want to get to, but without that anchor that is your family the ship that is your life will drift out to sea.

I am going to go enjoy my family। Until next week, keep connecting.

Erick

The Friendly and the Friendless

Last week, a couple of friends of mine from Boston came to my house for dinner. I reminisced with them about how I befriended their son a few years earlier.

When I moved to the Boston area, from San Diego, I started out in Salem. One night after work, in down town Boston, I walked to TD Bank Garden North, where the Celtics play and trains depart. On most nights, large metal partitions hide two escalators that lead from the train station to the Celtics’ stadium. On game nights, and a few other nights, people ride up and down those escalators. On that Friday night, after I arrived at the train station, crowds of people streamed up and down those escalators.

I looked at my watch, checked the train schedule, and decided I had time to venture to the top of the escalators. At the top, I stopped, turned, and asked the first person I saw about the cause of the mysterious crowd. Three years later, his parents sat on the other side of my dining room table. For two years, while I lived 3,000 mile from home, my friend and his family made me feel welcome in Boston.

That friendship started with one question that led to an answer that led to a conversation that led to the realization of mutual interests that led to exchanging phone numbers that led to many afternoons of coffee and evenings of meals. Do you understand how the chain works? If so, can you explain it to me. There is no scientific method, there is only trial and error; though, it only works if we’re willing to let go of our preconceived notions and befriend the friendly and the friendless.

People Connect is about connecting with people, in order to meet common life goals, not about shallow business relationships. Hey, if more business comes of it, great. If a greener world comes of it, even better. If a you receive a richer life, due to a great friendship, that’s awesome.

Perhaps you came to this blog via AgentsPayingForward or a set of keywords you typed into Google. Maybe you’re a friend of mine on Facebook or you follow me on Twitter. However you came to this blog, you most likely found it because you want to connect with people who want to connect with people and are striving toward goals beyond themselves. People Connect is about developing relationships, in order to meet goals.

When I moved to Boston, I shook the hand of every person willing to shake mine. When I moved back to San Diego, I did the same. Most of my friends from college had moved on, so I needed to make new friends. Less than a year later, I continue to shake hands with whomever I can, chat on line with new Facebook friends, try to remember to return notes via my Twitter followers, and know my efforts to connect with people will lead to a goal greater than me.

Ten years ago, someone asked me what I saw myself doing in 10 years. I answered, “I don’t know what I’ll be doing in 10 years, but I do know this—if it’s not bigger than me, we’ve got a problem.” Ten years after she gave me an awkward look, followed by silence, and a long, drawn out “Okay,” I am on the right track toward my goal.

Now the question is, are you? In the wave of technology that causes us to lose more and more of our humanity, relationships become more and more valuable. Whatever your goal, I encourage you to connect with people, not the potential for money or business leads or other. I urge you to connect with the friendly and the friendless without expectation.

If you connect with people like one wave connects with another, you will find your shore.



I would love to hear from any of my followers, or anyone else reading this blog, about your journeys, how those journeys are going, and the type of relationships your building.

Keep Connecting,



Erick

Sacrificing for Our Goals

Last week, I looked at five principles of connecting with people, in order to achieve your goals. This week I want to look at three things you may need to sacrifice, in order to achieve your goals.

The first thing you may need to sacrifice is your time. If you want to get your Bachelor’s or Master’s degree, start a business, or buy a house, it may mean studying or working on a Friday night. It may mean working overtime, so you can earn the extra money to start that business or buy that house. If you’re not ready to sacrifice your time, in order to achieve your goals, perhaps you should consider setting new goals.

You might need to sacrifice your money. In this economic climate, no one is safe and everyone is making sacrifices. Parents seem to sacrifice more, so their kids don’t need to. Never the less, whether you’re sacrificing so your kids won’t suffer, you can afford that new house, you can buy that new water heater, or you can put food on the table, you may need to make financial sacrifices.

There are many other things you may need to sacrifice in order to meet your goals, but the last one I am going to talk about is relationships. Yes, that’s right. Relationships. Now, please do not think I am promoting divorce. I am not. In fact, if you’re married, I believe you should work toward a better marriage.

Sometimes people come in to our lives who stand in the way of our goals. If it’s a roommate, consider moving out or asking them to move out. If it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend, consider breaking up with that person. If it’s a friend, consider either talking to them or letting the friendship fizzle. In my experience, true friendships may hit bumps in the road, but the common goal of a friendship will always allow you and your friend to come to terms. For those friendships, or any other relationship, where the goal is not mutual, that relationship is doomed for failure. We all need and want friends, but those friendships that require us to sacrifice our goals or ourselves, won’t last. It’s better to let go of those relationships before they take an emotional toll on you and cause you to lose sight of your goals.

I tend to live by quotes that sum up principles of my life. One of my favorite, which I cannot claim, but don’t remember who said is, “If I am no good to myself, I am no good to anyone else.” There is a good reason life guards are trained to put the person they are saving between them and objects they might collide with. There is a good reason flight attendants tell passengers to secure the oxygen mask over their mouths before a child’s. There is a good reason those military snipers took so long to ensure their absolute safety before taking aim at those pirates. If we want to achieve our goals, if we want to create a better life for those around us, if we want to connect with people, it requires sacrifice. Those sacrifices may hurt us and those around us; but if our goals are righteous, our sacrifices will be like that of the vinedresser who sacrifices a single vine for the benefit of the vineyard.

Until next week, keep connecting.



Erick